Rebellious Children

21-Nov-23 16:46pm
Carolyn7 P
I definitely think you can make a child rebellious. I am helping raise a 2 yr. old right now and I have always allowed my children to explore as long as it does not hurt anything. And I believe because I let them do most things, they understand better when I do draw a line. I let them make messes, but they must also clean up. I do try to compromise and teach at the same time.
·
20-Nov-23 18:41pm
Josephina
kids can appear disobedient but most of the time, it is their wings they are trying to spread! They are looking for autonomy and pushing boundaries to see how far they can go and they also need guidance along the treacherous journey to adulthood :-)
·
20-Nov-23 16:44pm
Paula J 395266
I could not disagree with you more. Children need structure, guidelines and rules but not all children are the same. I have 3 children who are all different and required different discipline. One required next to none as he usually did as he was told, one would occasionally play up but the other was just plain belligerent so needed a very strong hand. Rules and regulations meant nothing to him, nor did reasoning and restricting activities as a punishment only punished the other 2. Nothing worked except a good old fashioned smack and today we see and hear from him 2 or 3 times a week, far more than the other 2. As an adult and father he has thanked us for the good job we did because he has seen what has happened to some of his friends who were either ignored or given too much freedom. You can say "job well done" when your children say "thank you".
·
20-Nov-23 00:00am
mike B 1066235
THIS IS A (YES) AND (NO) WHEN I WAS YOUNG, MY MOM OR DAD TOLD ME AND IT WAS THE LAW IN OUR HOUSE. BUT NOW YOU HAVE TO BE very careful about HOW YOU TREAT YOUR KIDS YOU HAVE TO BE A MOM OR DAD BUT NOW THE WORLD IS OVER, YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOUR LOVE AND BE ONE OF Their BEST FRIENDS THIS WILL HELP CONTROL YOUR KIDS IN A VERY GOOD WAY BUT THAT'S ME MIKE
·
19-Nov-23 22:12pm
Shirley H 391879
I am 80. Needless to say “old school”. I was very struck with my children(4) and today they are all working, and their children are nice young people not doing drugs or breaking in, bashing people etc. so was I too strict? NO. No regrets.did I “explain” my decisions? NO.Edited 19-Nov-23 22:12pm
·
19-Nov-23 22:09pm
Susan 1401667
NO I BELEIVE IN CORRECTING A CHILD WHEN BEHAVIOR IS WRONG
·
19-Nov-23 21:22pm
Rosemary E 383382
Depending on their age we have to remember that little ones have a short concentration span. You have to be prepared to explain more than once why something or a bad habit is not allowed. Some children are rebellious, some have special needs, some display both. How do you decipher which some behaviors. Believe me, it is....hard.... It is even harder for those who do not know the child or older person
·
19-Nov-23 19:39pm
Robert L NZ
CHILDREN NEED TO LEARN DISIPLINE , DIRECTION, UNDERSTANDING, LOVE IF THEY WANT TO MAKE ANYTHING OF THEIR LIVES.
·
19-Nov-23 19:15pm
Daniel A 2
I have no children. Maybe if you make sure children get enough discipline with their Karate training, or Soccer training, they won't drift to far in the wrong direction.
·
19-Nov-23 19:05pm
Kathy A 494332
I tried both ways with my children. If you go too soft they take advantage and too strict they rebel. Third child somewhere in the middle, it worked alittle better.
·
19-Nov-23 18:51pm
Jacqueline R 353303
Agree with Janet, discipline is lacking in today's control of children. Respect has gone & a lot of children could not care less unfortunately. Bring back the good old days. I shudder at what the future will bring.
·
19-Nov-23 18:20pm
Angie
put boundaries in place from very early on, keep them in education till they're 18... and if you've done neither of these, and you've raised entitled brats, then sign them up to join the forces... army/navy training will soon sort them out! Or perhaps they could do voluntary work at an animal shelter or work with those less fortunate like the homeless... lend a hand at your local food bank, making and distributing hot meals to the hungry maybe??
·
19-Nov-23 18:17pm
JANET R 328390
As far as I am concerned children need DISCIPLINE!!! but it must be done with love and respect AND NOT CONTROL. I was brought up with parents who meant well but kids did not DARE question parents - even when in their early 20's. I resented it - and of course went of the rails well and truly and basically also married someone the same. In many ways my parents were right - but pushed me away by their demanding and "don't dare question us" attitude. I say discipline with love AND LISTEN to your kids. I did.
·
19-Nov-23 18:15pm
Catalina
You’re right. Wish many patent/carer would give a go to your suggestions! (My children are already parents, good parents, so I guess I did something similar to what you’ve described here.)
·
19-Nov-23 17:48pm
Sarah G 76834
Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
·
19-Nov-23 17:36pm
PETER M 134659
EASILY- THIS IS WHY THEY ARE- IT MAKES SENSE. KNOW HOUSEHOLDS LIKE IT. FOR THE YOUNGER INDIVUDUAL, IT'S LIKE BEING LOCKED IN A ROOM, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO BREATHE.
·
19-Nov-23 16:58pm
Paul B 522937
M’y father was very strict with me and his mother was very strict with him My 2 boys made it very hard for me as I had to bring them up on my own. There mothet went to live with my friend and broke his marriage up and the children were use to try and destroy me My eldesr by was a problem but my other son work out ok. So I’m not sure whether they should be so didferent
·
19-Nov-23 16:44pm
writerrochelle
Yes! Whatever my dad told me NOT to do, I DID! Thank God he never told me not to smoke or drink, because I didn't do either. On the other hand, as soon as he told me NOT to date Sailors (Dad said he knew how they were, because he was one), I brought one home for him to meet! And, no, not all sailors try to take advantage of women! ;-D
·
- View all 10 replies
- 19-Nov-23 18:20pm
  JANET R 328390
  I love your story. Can relate to it well. haha.
  ·
- 19-Nov-23 18:46pm
  Liane H
  Well done ! I did exactly same when I got told not to bring home a boy from the reggae club, well .... But oh dear , i was asked just so nicely by a lost out of towner ,19 yr old Denzel Washington lookalike? ...l mean fair's fair!? 🤷‍♂️ They just had to smile and bear it haha! Manners please ;)
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 06:26am
  writerrochelleLiane H
  People say, "Young, and dumb", but I don't think so! Or, "I'm trying to protect you from what I went through." Well, maybe, but we still have to live our own lives and make our own mistakes, don't we? Setting a good example to follow works best! ;-D
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 06:29am
  Liane H writerrochelle
  oh I would say I had a bit of rebel without a cause about me haha! But in general I was not too bad compared to some these days ;) I guess your Dad did some eye rolling too lol!Edited 20-Nov-23 06:30am
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 08:12am
  writerrochelleLiane H
  Yep! But, he still let the young man come over and take me out. The sailor was born in Australia, but moved to New York! He had an amazing accent! Funny story...While he was on a tour of duty, I met someone else. When he got back and came over to see me, the other young man was there! They went outside and started fighting! When my dad stepped in to try and stop it, my dad got punched! Was I in trouble!! ;-D
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 15:14pm
  Liane H writerrochelle
  Haahha ! That's hilarious. Poor old Dad . I had a funny one ,. Another boy who parked his ute on the nature strip ,, the bern i think u call it? ..Not a good start ! ... .then asked my father ( who was very well spoken by the way ) .. anyway this Aussie boy asks him where's the dunny? My dad gives him a witheringly look and says you mean the lavatory...? 🤣
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 16:24pm
  writerrochelleLiane H
  We all have our heartwarming stories and our regrets, don't we? Unfortunately I have more regrets, but my life now is making up for them. I'll be 76 November 30! ;-D
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 16:48pm
  Liane H writerrochelle
  Oh well wishing you a very HappyBirthday and lots of fun memories of naughty youth lol! 🎂
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 18:04pm
  writerrochelleLiane H
  Thank you. Looking at my photo now you wouldn't / couldn't tell I was a "Hottie" in my day!?! Took after my dad! 🤣Edited 20-Nov-23 18:05pm
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 18:25pm
  Liane H writerrochelle
  Weren't we all ?! Ahh the memories.... You should just dig up a nice glam older one for your birthday:) Look at me I'm a bear these days haha!
  ·
19-Nov-23 15:26pm
Pat C 618241
My father came home from the II World War with a bad case of stress. We had to creep about the house and be quiet at all times and he was a strict disciplinarian. His belt was used mostly on me as I was the eldest. I've had issues all my life which I think I could attribute to his use of force on us. I swore to myself I would never beat my kids, no matter what mischief they did, better to walk away than use force, you can show disappointment but never terrorize a child physically.
·
- 19-Nov-23 18:20pm
  JANET R 328390
  I can relate to the war issue. We had a lot of the same.
  ·
19-Nov-23 14:46pm
Luke W 72035
I used to cop the belt, kettle chord etc. Have had an issue with authority ever since. It has had more of an impact on my life than I ever realized until I grew up and did some reflection on things. People who think it's ok to put bruises on their own flesh and blood without any second thought are more irrational than they realize. I literally wish my parents could communicate with me better when I was young. I'm not saying let kids get away with being naughty but there are sometimes better ways of dealing with it than whatever the anger tells you to do.
·
19-Nov-23 14:43pm
Craig S 1050522
When my Wife and I started a family we went to a course called P5 Parenting. Took 10 weeks and was worth the time. What really stuck with me was that the only difference between kids and adults was that one was older and found this to be very true and very helpful when dealing all my employees. Treat your kids more like adults, respect their views and let them help you with the rules of life. Just think if you treated an adult like you sometimes treat your kids - What would happen? Finally its a difficult job growing a family and most of us have no training to be a parent. There will be some HARD lessons on the way
·
19-Nov-23 14:41pm
Colleen M 510798
I believe in most cases it can, but not all. Sometimes being too strict can do more damage in other ways.
·
19-Nov-23 14:29pm
Robert T 597718
no explanation hit themEdited 20-Nov-23 08:42am
·
- 20-Nov-23 05:50am
  Robert F 1161011
  😄 Father of the year
  ·
19-Nov-23 14:25pm
Colin L 88398
Perhaps you would like to teach a child I have a 15 month old Great Dane who has been allowed to do whatever it wanted to for the first 8 months of it's life them locked in a stable for 4 months and now is uncontrollable. I'll let you have him for several months and see how well you do I know I'm now up to replacing one wall after he has wrecked it because he was locked out of the shower not to mention an uncountable number of pillows, memory foam mats the bigger ones sleep on and the daily uicking up of the destroyed items that he gets to every day that are within his reach and being a Great Dane he can reach anything.
·
- 19-Nov-23 16:42pm
  Liane H
  Two questions ,. Has he been desexed and do ya think he needs some medicating ? Lol . I hear there's some calming pet feremone diffusers around these days ... short of calling Dr.Harry out from retirement ,though also heard he charges a fortune !
  ·
- 19-Nov-23 19:59pm
  Colin L 88398Liane H
  As a Rescue he has been desexed by law not much can be done about that and the original owners thought iif a little medication worked them lots more would work better. They allowed him to get away with murder never pulling him into line and only panicked when Children Services turned up because one of their kids had burses over it because he knocked it over. We have had him for nearly 2 months now and he is getting better "SLOWELY" just walked in caring a 1.25 litre bottle of soft drink to chew up after getting tired of chewing up empty Clorvesent Tubes so he'll be right for potassium now if only he would take other meds hidden in food without straining the food through his teeth and spitting out the medications. 😊
  ·
19-Nov-23 14:21pm
MoB
Children need guidelines, if parents are not strict children have no idea what their boundaries are. If children have boundaries they know they are loved. I have heard young adults say they knew their parents loved and cared for them because they had those boundaries. I am not talking about abuse of a child that's a different matter. Parents who have boundaries for their children seem to have more communication with their teenagers. Those who compromise, give in so the child is happy, very often lose the respect and teenagers no longer communicate with them. So No I would not give your idea a go.
·
19-Nov-23 14:08pm
Michelle 1281734
Don't know. Many parents aren't strict enough and those kids are really bad.
·
19-Nov-23 14:03pm
Linda C
Boundaries are what is needed and consequences for not behaving something missing in society these days. I am not talking about being over the top with discipline though. I have seen kids who have had the round table conversations with their parents and the ones who have been disciplined. Nurture v nature is often spoken about. I had 3 children and there were boundaries. Loss of TV privileges, loss of seeing their mates i.e. grounded, etc. loss of pocket money and similar. My kids are still in my life and they are all around 50 years old now. They knew "The Look" they would get from me if they were doing something I was not happy with and they stopped. I do not think compromise is the right solution. You are a parent and you have to set the rules/boundaries. A happy home is great but not at the expense of your child/children just doing as they please. I remember a poor mother who was terrified of her 5 year old son as he was taught he could call the police on his parents if they smacked him or did something like lock him in his room etc. if he misbehaved. HE HAD RIGHTS...... This idealology has since given us a couple of generations of entitled brats. You are the parent so be one. You are not their best friend.
·
19-Nov-23 13:41pm
Sonya F 68771
Compromise is a big word when bringing up children
·
19-Nov-23 13:29pm
Shawn B 1061185
Compromise is quite necessary, to a point! Sometimes there is no room for compromise. Depending on the behaviour that you are trying to alter. Remember Classical Conditioning and that other clap trap from psych 101? While not many of the published subjects were people (experiments on people are cruel, right?) the answers were pretty much the same across species. And also don't forget Abraham Maslow and the hierarchy of needs. The only need he seems to have forgotten is "hope." Your little monster will turn out they way you teach them whether you want them to or not.Edited 19-Nov-23 13:30pm
·
19-Nov-23 12:56pm
boy blunder
I am doing the parenting gig all over again with my grandkids, it is the greatest thing I have ever done, Hunter [6] is very high on the autism scale and has numerous other conditions, we have been very lucky and have a great support group but in 4 years he now talks is eating vegetables, drinking water and going to school and is one loving kid who is going to be the cover story for a Novita program, kids are hard work and to be a part of the learning is a blessing,, I didn't think this is what I would do in retirement but I am joyed that I have been, I fear not all kids get this break and fall into categories to quickly, Kacey just turned 14 is blooming,has been working after school for a year now, and little nova an angry little man in a pleasant way we have found out soft drink high sugar drinks sets him off we control what he drinks and he is angellic but it could all be different if not for the right helpEdited 19-Nov-23 13:01pm
·
- 19-Nov-23 17:56pm
  Angie
  Sounds like you are doing a great job raising your grandkids. Good on you
  ·
19-Nov-23 12:55pm
ToniD wellington
They know the rules and they know the consequences. There's no way my kids get treats for bad behavior.
·
19-Nov-23 12:52pm
Jenny L 591463
I have no answers for this because my children which aren't really mine any more said I was a horrible parent. They grow up and tell you to loose their number. They don't want you in their lives and basically told us to F off so we have. Don't except to come back either once out, out for good. They don't even see their grandparent oh because that's right they are mine and they have been brain washed to hate my side of the family. If I had my time again there is no way I would have kids again. Fur babies are so much more enjoyable, they don't answer back, they come when they are called and they love you unconditionally. Buy a puppy instead or a kitty. We have 2 dogs and a 3 legged cat.
·
19-Nov-23 12:50pm
Vanessa R 1242223
Vanessa Teach your child love before anything else, a child needs to know that they are loved.
·
19-Nov-23 12:33pm
Lee b 979050
Goo goo ga ga..
·
19-Nov-23 12:25pm
Des
Maybe parents need to learn their kids love languages and practice open communication. In that way we get to understand our kids behaviour and be able to guide them to the right one.
·
19-Nov-23 12:13pm
Wendy Q
We are too soft on children who misbehave, so they think it's their right of passage to be naughty and so they get away with it.
·
19-Nov-23 12:01pm
Merci
Post WW11 I have found that we largely tended to bring our children up with the same morals and values that we were brought up with - larger families parents found strict regimes and disciplines gave their children boundaries and security.to cope and succeed in a largely manual world. Two generations later the scene has totally changed to automisation and children need different skills and more inclusive values with a gentler focus on other people. I am full of hope that my grandchildren will continue to show me a softer, more caring way of life with the same personal successes based on the same morals and values that we instilled in their parents.
·
19-Nov-23 11:48am
Val B 69099
We need to go back to the days when we were children. We were seen but not heard and a good spanking never hurt us. I believe we came out better human beings than the youth of today
·
19-Nov-23 11:38am
Kathy 1270954
Sorry, I'm not buying that theory. My neighbours have children they negotiate with all the time. One time I stepped out and it was the boy's birthday. He got a new 2-wheeler, which he was too young to ride. So he and 2 other kids got the new bike and tricycles and ran around a guest's van, inching closer each time. The dad came out, calmly approached his son, got down to his level and gently explained that he wasn't in trouble, but that was not a good game to play. The kid screamed bloody murder for his "mommy" and dad tried to explain again, got fed up with the screaming and walked away. Stuff like that happens frequently in that household.
·
- 19-Nov-23 12:46pm
  Liane H
  Ah, yes I had friends like that ..try to " reason with a wild rude 2yr old " with exactly the same methods .. NUP! The Father /Mother should be able to just stick his out the door give him a look and say one word" Dont!" If the kid knows what the rules in general are and boundaries the parents have clearly set ,they know that look and the tone of voice and when to pull up! If they need any more prompting ..then it's take the equipment off them for a bit and let's play a different party game . Edited 19-Nov-23 12:49pm
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 10:47am
  Kathy 1270954Liane H
  I agree!
  ·
19-Nov-23 11:06am
Theodore 1384142
I am not sure how to comment on this, because I do not have any children
·
19-Nov-23 10:41am
Catharina 1274733
Use the theme song - “Let it be”. A senior high school teach once said, “You can’t beat them, join them.” So everyone is happy. Remembered those were the days when you were young. 🥳😂🤣😅 By the way, if you want to convince or guide them, doesn’t matter whether it’s kids or adults; try to use positive words to convey your message that they have done something wrong. It’s easier for anyone to sink in, For an example, Say something “ how about if you let me know that you’re going out for a drink with friends n won’t be home till 11pm. So I won’t have to wait /worried n leave the entrance hall light on. “ I think it’s a win/win for both of you. Have a try. Even at work. Edited 19-Nov-23 10:49am
·
19-Nov-23 10:40am
JANN R
I never had a problem with my kids they were respectful well mannered and very loving so I dont have any thing to say my kids were the best thing that I had in my life
·
19-Nov-23 10:36am
Wendy V 780219
You are very wrong. If you pop a small child when you tell them no and they don't listen, it only takes a couple if times doing this for them to listen to parents from then on. I popped my son 3 times once he started crawling. I had to ground him once as a teenager, but I never had any other trouble from him. He is 38 yrs old. Never been arrested, not abusive, has respect for those in authority. A decent human being. The children today are self centered. They do not recognize anyone as correct but themselves.they abuse their teachers and their parents need to be punished for the crap they let their kids pull. Mommy thinks little Jonny can do no wrong, even though she is called to school because little Jonny flipped over 20 desks, hit 2 othe kids and kicked the teacher. Little Jonny is in the 4th grade.this actually happened to my niece who teaches. It was her fault for removing a pair of scissors little Jonny was threatening another student with. Little Jonny was given a 1/2 day in school suspension. This made little Jonny see the error of his ways. NOT.
·
- 19-Nov-23 14:34pm
  Linda C
  Yes these so called do gooders think they have all the answers and yes see how the generations have turned out. Every second word is a swear word as they also seem to have lost the ability to converse intelligently. No respect for anyone or anything. Boys treat girls as objects and worse and girls also have little or no respect for themselves. Some of the fashions of today for girls/women is not appropriate. Little girls some just babies are wearing inappropriate attire sexualising them. I will probably be called out for that as they seem to think they have the right to dress as they like. I personally am sick of seeing boobs, bums and everything else on display. I am sick of the pouting photos. Where have all the natural looking girls gone. My children grew up with respect for others properties, themselves and others. They even stand back and open a door for me something you rarely see these days if ever.
  ·
19-Nov-23 09:41am
Carol S 657195
It could depend on the child. I'm not sure. The way I handle children is to correct their behavior and demand they respect me from a young age. Don't be their friend but be someone they are not afraid to come to and talk. Don't judge; explain. When correcting them, explain to them why they cannot continue the behavior they are doing. If it is because of safety, tell them that. They don't understand consequences of such behavior. Guide them and punish if they become defiant or disrespectful. Never allow them to disrespect you in any way! That's how I raised, and I'm thankful that I respect other people. Earn that respect by setting good examples. Don't tell them one thing and do something different. Children notice everything even when you think they aren't listening. They also assume things are their fault. Give them a lot of positive feedback and never criticize them harshly. Explain they are learning and should love themselves as you love them. This is so important in children's mental health. I always felt I was wrong and a bad person because I was criticized by my mother. All the good things she said about me seemed to not mean much, but it should have. It's just how we humans are. We judge ourselves more than anyone else ever does! Don't let other's opinion affect who YOU know you are!
·
19-Nov-23 09:35am
Maria B 89860
One day my little ones somehow managed to get out the front gate, crossed the road to the Supermaket and a nice old couple brought them back to the house. There was an old folks house across the main road that they could see and sould often wave to them. Anyway that ishow they knew who to bring them home to ... I got quite a fright because everything was quite secure and how they got out beats me .... I gave them a good talking to which shocked them as never really had to tell them off for anything ... so then had to explain to them reason for the "talk" was that I cared very much what happened to them, iI I didn't I would say anything would mean I didn't care about them. A few days later they were a bit sad and weepy so asked them what was wrong ... they thought I didn't love them anymore because I hadn't told them off!!!!
·
19-Nov-23 09:34am
Jennifer S 320468
I think it depends on the child too. We were not strict parents. I had 3 kids with ADHD. One of them was also diagnosed with ODD. Life was challenging to say the least. There was never a dull moment. It was exhausting. Now 20 years down the track the child with ODD has totally turned against us and doesn't have anything to do with us after seeing a psychologist who convinced them that they had an abusive childhood. Maybe we should have been strict. We certainly weren't abusive. You can't win
·
19-Nov-23 08:08am
Bugalugs
You don't have to scream and rage at your children but at the same time you don't have to be, as the bleeding hearts, social workers, psycho-babblers and others claim today, concilatory, oh-so-inderstanding, so "Mummy/Daddy love you but blah blah, blah and explain everything in precise, easy to understand tones. Children are not stupid, they know when you are upset with them, they know when they have done something wrong. Let them know you know and that you are not going to allow them to get away with it. We were in the supermarket the other day and there was a child, as children do, who wanted some lollies. To start with Mummy simply said No. Then the child threw a tantrum and Mummy Dearest went into the conciliatory, Mummy Loves you charade and spent time explaining to little Miss Tantrum why it was she sould not have what she wanted. It did not work the screaming wenty on and on. Be firm and teach your children that NO means NO they very quickly get the idea.
·
- 19-Nov-23 14:38pm
  Linda C
  I remember when I was at the supermarket and my 4 year old daughter asked for a lollie and I just said No. That was the end of the conversation but a woman asked me how she never carried on and my daughter answered. When Mum says No, she means No and we know that is the end of it. If she says maybe we have a good chance but if she says Yes we have something. IE They knew I meant what I said. Consistency is a good way to go about this type of reaffirmation. Still works today when they are in the late 40's/ early 50's.
  ·
19-Nov-23 07:43am
Holly Cat
During my childhood, I had a friend who came from a religious family and went to a religious school. She got pregnant at 16 years old. I knew others from strict families, and they learned how to lie to their parents to do what they wanted. So the parent thinks they're doing the right thing, but the kids do figure out a way around it. There really needs to be a balance, just like everything in life...not too strict and not too lenient, but I know, easier said than done!
·
19-Nov-23 07:43am
Lorne M
My mom had a silent way of dealing with my rebellious antics. She would start to fill the bathtub and remark it would have to be near full to cover my head until the bubbles would stop. It worked immediately on the two occasions it became necessary. I am pretty sure she was playing poker with my head...yeah, let's go with probably...
·
19-Nov-23 07:42am
The dog house
My parents were strict and taught us right from wrong. We both turned out fine. These days children are given everything they want we never had that. Maybe this is where the issues occur. Children are spoiled compared in my time. We may have had little but we used our imagination.
·
19-Nov-23 07:38am
Melinda B 311794
I agree - plus this seems to be the general consensus of experienced parents. I guess allowing children to make mistakes and find their own way is important also, because it forces them to be more self-reliant. In the long run, my theory is that this helps the young person develop skills and confidence.
·
19-Nov-23 07:36am
Jackie 1415135
no boundaries ... no understanding ... teaching manners and respect for others can be done, consequences need to be followed through on ... some strictness needs to be involved
·
19-Nov-23 07:06am
BLACK LIVES MATTER
The NATURE (genetic inheritance/makeup) or NUTURE (environment conditions - you are born poor, middle class, rich, or super) THEORY - you left out NUTURE part - when it comes to raising children! Anyway, it comes down to HOW smart your child (NATURE) - is. The smarter your child is - the more a parent has to compromise (and less discipling of your child), or your child will learn 'MIGHT (disciple)' makes 'RIGHT (discipline)' from her/his parents! In addition, disciplining your child (too much) will teach him/her the finer points of duplicitous behavior (which 'unfortunately' will prepare her/him 'quite well' for 'the good life' in the USA)!Edited 19-Nov-23 11:12am
·
- View all 5 replies
- 19-Nov-23 14:53pm
  Linda C
  My children all had high IQ's. Luckily they could never outsmart me and learnt boundaries from an early age. I never had the terrible "2s" so many parents have to deal with. They were never in trouble with the law, never abusive, were and are respectful and do not blame anyone else for things that just do not go right for them as sometimes life just goes that way. I rarely smacked them and this was kept for something that was really necessary and important and it was just a tap anyway but enough to let them know I was extremely unhappy with their behaviour. Once they were older I never smacked them as then it was loss of privileges or grounding. My children played sports where they learnt sportsmanship and how to win and lose not like today when every Johnny and Tiffany gets a trophy because they participated which to my way of thinking teaches them entitlement. Children have to also learn to think for themselves so you do not get on their case 24/7 and keep a watchful eye on them and step in when necessary.
  ·
- 19-Nov-23 15:43pm
  BLACK LIVES MATTER
  One, I had to deal with lousy parenting (physical abuse) from my parents and stepparents. Two, I outsmarted my parents and stepparents - more than once - and survive a lousy childhood (physical abuse). Three, I was living on the streets when I was 13 years old as a runaway - and going back home was NEVER a realistic option. Four, when I was 14 years old - I spent six months in a Juvenile Detention Center (JDC). Five, I was never into sport - because I thought sportsmanship was a sick joke (LOL). Six, everybody does not have the 'perfect childhood' (LOL). Seven, exactly WHAT IS YOUR POINT - YOU ARE MAKING?Edited 19-Nov-23 16:00pm
  ·
- 19-Nov-23 17:25pm
  Linda CBLACK LIVES MATTER
  My mother was put into an orphanage the day her Mother was buried and she was turning 3 the following day. She had a horrible abusive childhood as well but not once did she bemoan the fact. She got on with her life, raised 4 daughters with my Dad and lived a full life till she was 83. Her other sister died 1 week before she turned 100. I never even knew they were in an orphanage till I was in my 30's. She was a good role model being a good Mum and a good person. The past sometimes just has to be left there so you can live in the now and the future. No not everyone has a perfect childhood and in fact I doubt if anyone actually does.
  ·
- 19-Nov-23 17:53pm
  BLACK LIVES MATTERLinda C
  One, I did not bemoan my past (or I would have committed suicide) - my past made me a. SURVIVOR. Two, did you mother have to deal with racial hatred (all of her life) - like I have to do - on an ongoing basis ALL OF MY LIFE (with no end in sight) - like I have done in the USA (not a valid comparison using your mother life as an example)? Three, I was being flippant about a 'perfect childhood' - DUH. Four, WHAT POINT ARE YOU MAKING (beside life is easier for the descendants of colonialism0 - who brought death and destruction wherever they went on this planet). Five, let me repeat myself: WHAT POINT ARE YOU MAKING?Edited 20-Nov-23 00:54am
  ·
- 20-Nov-23 17:23pm
  Linda CBLACK LIVES MATTER
  Why so nasty. I was not comparing your life just said how my mother dealt with her upbringing. My mother had to deal with people who spouted goodness and holiness and were far from it. I won't go into the details but I am sure you get the drift. This debate is not about racism but about how children behave these days but it went off track a bit. However, I must say I am sick of being classified as a descendant of colonialism. My family were mostly all Irish with one Dane and they left Ireland due to the Potato Famine and starvation bought on by the English government of the time. Everyone can point fingers and say their ancestors did this or that but I do not apologise for someone else's sins. I do not accept responsibility for what they did. I can only be judged for what I do and I accept all people and never judge on colour, religion, sex, age, etc. I see America and how some people there are horrible as we have some also in our country. Unfortunately, there are ignorant people in every culture. I also might add it was not so easy for my ancestors. Many died of starvation, TB, and other assorted nasties and had some awful lives and yes under colonialism as you call it. The Irish were treated abominably by the English and were thought of by them as lower than dogs. However, that was then and this is now. We can only hope every generation will make life better for the next to follow and that you and I also do the same.
  ·
19-Nov-23 06:49am
Dusan 1329983
One needs to stand up for certain standards without compromise but still be able to be flexible depending on the situation.
·
19-Nov-23 06:28am
Carolyn K 714554
I find that sticking to your statements is best as the children know where the boundary is. My daughter would say that her children could leave the table but couldn't have anything to eat till the next meal (in other words Go hungry). Half an hour later, they were raiding the fridge. She let them but said they had to eat something healthy. (No boundrys).
·
- 19-Nov-23 14:53pm
  Linda C
  Yep pointless
  ·
19-Nov-23 06:21am
Lyn A.
a lot depends on the personalities. I brought up 5 kids [he had 3 I had 2] One needed to be given far less tolerance than the others. He was just a "wild child" found out when he was an adult that he had ADHD and would have been on meds if it had been diagnosed in his childhood. He and the others have all grown to caring, mature parents and members of their communities
·
19-Nov-23 06:16am
kristian s 513441
I used to punish my child by taking everything that he loves and put them in my room until he knows how to act.
·
19-Nov-23 06:09am
pam rae
hi ty Ross, have a great day..
·
19-Nov-23 05:57am
Sheree T
Consistency is a good place to start, if you are all over the place with them then they do not understand what is right or wrong.
·
19-Nov-23 05:53am
Ross P
For me...as a solo dad I let my son express himself as I do. Unless he is in any immediate danger. You only get one shot at it so make it your best. Is there really such a thing as a rebellious child because 'they' arent doing what is expected of them, or because we want them to be the perfect child for our own egos to blown from other parents saying how wonderful and well mannered ours are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with rebellions. It keeps governments in check with reality. Guide a rebellious child, you never know, with the right love and adoration you may have the next Rutherford, Marx or Dame Whina Cooper. Good luck Edited 19-Nov-23 05:53am
·
19-Nov-23 05:42am
nancy b 1002224
when i child is acting out-yelling, crying, whatever parents will yell at them to stop it, yet when it's THEM having the meltdown it's somehow alright. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and just offer comfort.
·
19-Nov-23 05:41am
Beverly I
Children need to know. That you love them, that they can trust you to lead them on the right path. You do need to have patients and control sometimes. Children learn right and wrong from parents.
·
- 19-Nov-23 05:54am
  Ross P
  Couldn't have said it any other way...perfect
  ·
- 19-Nov-23 06:01am
  Beverly IRoss P
  aww thank you Ross😀
  ·
19-Nov-23 05:27am
Tupulua S
communication is one way to keep you and your childrens on the same page and keep that bond of love strong
·
19-Nov-23 05:26am
SueM2
Having boundaries makes children feel safe, and finding that boundary is what children are constantly striving for. Do not try to reason with a child; they don't have the language skills and get bored quickly listening to you use so many words! Your task as a parent is to love your children, keep them safe, teach them to be kind, understand that actions have consequences and most of all, to give them happy experiences & a guiding hand as they grow.
·
19-Nov-23 05:19am
doug p 631197
As a severely beaten and abused child I call BS on this. I didn't rebel I chose not to be like my parents and to this day i choose to help people when and if i can. Childhoods only influence the weak willed. Life is a choice every step of the way.
·
19-Nov-23 05:10am
william 1389666
do something out of the ordinary-distraction from behaviour you do not want and turn it positive, when i was a single dad with 4 young kids and kids were getting on my nerves i would call them 1 by one and give them a pencil and a piece of paper, of course they wanted to know what they would do with that, i said i will tell you later, just come with me,i took them walking in the bush and asked each to sit down seperately and draw what they could see. i got peace to read my book and kids became creative--problem solved--distraction rather than yelling
·
19-Nov-23 05:01am
Grant 1393984
The use of reason is something that grows as the child grows as it is something that has to be sought. Compromise is all well and good until you find out that you and your values have been comprised!!
·
19-Nov-23 04:52am
pam rae
As a parents it's how you raise your children ,to be humble, polite and caring as I have done,and they are the greatest son's..
·
19-Nov-23 04:48am
Jeanine R
I also say that it is difficult to raise children. My husband and I are blessed because our son is 22. It was not an easy process at all but worth it. He had mamy challanges we all faced as a family. I am glad to have learned from this and have a good relationship now. I say you have to have be calm but firm and set limits. Limits are the best thing I found. Remember to enforce them. Good luck.....
·
19-Nov-23 02:41am
Christina P 1042585
Parenting is difficult kids spend too much time on social media,therefore they often ignore what parents say so as a parent you have to take control.
·
19-Nov-23 02:36am
ROBERT K 1065766
I think parents today have forgotten their responsibility to discipline their children. They want to be friends and NOT Parents. Parents no longer know where their kids are. Just watching the news. How many school aged kids are out carjacking and robbing people.
·
19-Nov-23 02:29am
Darla T
They need boundaries and you as the parent must set them. Compromising is not the answer as you blur the boundary. Consistency is much better. You don't get the chance to get off easy by compromising with the hope that your child will like you as a result. If you raise them with boundaries of parent and child, I think you will reap the benefits later in life. You can explore a friendship with them when they are adults.
·
19-Nov-23 02:05am
Roy R 1009866
Parenting is the most difficult job in the world. A couple of things you must be is consistent and caring, never physical. There is at the same time a difference in rebellious and misbehaving. Good luck.
·
19-Nov-23 01:34am
Val 1394045
Parenting is one of the hardest job a person can have
·
19-Nov-23 00:54am
Sandra C 12043
Adults are there to give guidelines .Small children are too young to make their own decisions. They need guidance to be decent human beings. I hope you don't live in my street, we have enough unruly kids around. You show love & attention to bring them up to be decent human beings. Mine turned out fine and we see each other often & I'm 80 next week. In fact we all live in the same suburb. Good luck with yours. Edited 19-Nov-23 00:54am
·
19-Nov-23 00:46am
Ernie 67
Each child and parents are different I believe everyone has to find their happy medium for what works for them
·
19-Nov-23 00:43am
Teri 1282723
As parents it's our job to lead, teach, train our children. We give them boundaries to show we care about the consequences even when they're too young to understand. Kids need to know we love them enough to give them rules and curfews and limits. We have way too many kids growing up these days never having heard the word 'no' and they are so entitled that nobody likes dealing with them. Teach your kids to read before they reach kindergarten. Teach them to share. Teach them they may not always agree with you but you're the Mom and they need to listen to your experience. When they get older it's only natural and right that they rebel a little and see what consequences are and how to grow from that pain or disappointment. They'll get hurt, have their hearts broken, fall flat on their faces and you have to sometimes let it happen. We cannot always protect them, nor do we want to. We want them to be healthy, happy and successful no matter what path they travel. We can only do so much, but we better do our best. Oh, and try to remember how you were at that age.... how would you like to be spoken to? how would you have behaved differently in that situation? Always talk to them, always listen to them.... if it's brought up, discuss it. And teach them that you are human and will make mistakes but you are doing your best.
·
19-Nov-23 00:25am
Lynne 1415328
There needs to be an adult in charge ,children will get away with as much as you allow them too.
·
19-Nov-23 00:16am
APB
Rearing children needs intelligence calm love and understanding...but someone needs to be running the show...not entirely sure what you are talking about but it does sound like a good way of ruining your children...AND losing them..good luck with that...
·

No comments