Thete should be a balance. But I am leaning towards yes. They did it for us.

Yes

Given what my mother has done for me over my life, I feel it’s the least I could do

Definately, Yes, first I took care of my Mother before she passed for 3 years, now I am caring for my spouse who fell and was injured badly.

thank you everyone .Michael

Seriously, if you are able to look after your parents when they need help, then you should. They wont be here forever, take the time you have to enjoy their company. You might regret not having that contact once they have passed. That is, if they can stand living with you!

I helped my Mum look after Dad when he got cancer, then 10 years later it was her turn to go through the same disease. I was in my 20's at the time when we looked after Dad, then I was 10 years older when mum was diagnosed. both my sisters were not living near us one ws Interstate that other overseas and Mum went through treatment and insisted I still go out and enjoy myself with friends when I could, but towards the end there were people that would come and sleep over to give me a break which I was grateful for at the time. The one thing I do say though is cancer is a terrible disease and I do wish that assisted dying was around back then because I think Mum would have taken that option as she had a painful end. Edited 13-Nov-24 20:39pm

No. I don't want my kids looking after me in my dotage they have their own families to bring up - we are currently the sandwich generation looking after grandkids and parents when do you have your own life.

Its a difficult decision and not one that can be made alone. Elderly parents, partner, siblings (yours and perhaps theirs) and children all need to be considered and their opinions matter. Depending on the level of care needed, other relationships are put under enormous strain. There's the physical work, and the emotional strain. I cared for my husband (20 yrs my senior) who developed early dementia and it nearly killed me due to his paranoia, delusions and behavioural issues. I help out my elderly mother, but cannot care for her. I have health issues of my own. She has people come in and help through her aged care package, whenever they don't cancel.

As a grandparent now I would put myself into a retirement village and let my children enjoy their lives. Both my parents have passed away so I have not had to face the dilemma.

Give it a try. they deserve more of a life before getting locked away.

My mother kept my father an invalid. He could have had surgery but mum decided he would have a stroke on the table so he refused the op. She would berate him telling him caring for him would kill her because the carer always died first but unfortunately he got the flu and his heart couldn't cope. My brother vanished so I was left to care for mum. There was always some sort of drama, locked out, left a saucepan on the gas, the gas went out and she didn't smell it, she left the iron on and it burnt a hole in the carpet. One day in the care of her paid carer she fell and broke her hip and had to go into a nursing home. It should have been a relief but it wasn't. She was fine at first until most of the staff left due to vaccine mandates and the place went downhill fast. Everyone complained about the food and mum stopped eating, had many falls, a heart attack, refused injections and when they sacked the physiotherapist she became very stiff and slow. The worry was dreadful as she wasn't being looked after very well, in fact no-one was really but she wasn't given proper medical attention and she died from an infection that $5 worth of anti-biotics would have cured. Some people have family in nursing homes with no problems but most people experience some problems. So even professional care isn't worry free.

I am an elderly Parent.I do not want either of my children caring for me if & when I cannot take care of myself.I would rather go into fulltime care I gave them life & want them to enjoy it & just visit me

Growing up with a dad who left my mom when she was in the hospital, moved me and my sister, along with mom's housekeeper, away without mom knowing what happened, or where we were, hearing him say things like, "I should have put you girls up for adoption" and, "You're half-assed because you were born in November", left me happy he had his 4'th wife of 25 years to care for him before he died. I would have taken care of my mom, but she was murdered when she was 62 years old, not long after she finally found me and my sister. Sad, but true. ;-(

Yes indeed

Just do what’s right for you

My Dad died when I was 26 and my Mum was cared for in her by a friend of the family until her last illness. I was living on the south coast.

giveing up your life to care for elderly or ill parents., should come unconditional When they brought you into this world,did many sacrifies to give you the best bringing up in a family embraced by love respect and much more. If it was not difficult for them, it shouldn't be hard or seen as a burden , caring for elderly parents should be taken seriously and taking the responsiblity to give them the best care possible and knowing that when you look back at what you achieved it makes your heart contend.

REALLY, I am glad your parents never had this attitude or you would not be here talking such garbage.

But if not u then hu? If u like them, move them in and make like a happy family, if u feel obliged at least pay for their care, otherwise just keep doing your thing in which case they would understand because thats likely what they did to your grandparents

Bit hard to do as both parents are gone

Get an ACAP assessment and check with their GP find a Doctor that makes house calls if they have been involved their community their is often a support network that can help .No one chooses to become a burden to their children but at the end of the day and if you have a good relationship with your parents its second nature to help if you are struggling to cope reach out to your GP and share the load with other family members if you can .You need to take care of yourself to able care for others .Been there give anything to have my parents back . I don't regret being there when they needed a helping hand or just an ear .Edited 13-Nov-24 15:28pm

Depends on a lot of factors, the type of illnessbeing one of them.

Depends upon your relationship, their level of physical activity, their cognitive ability and what your other responsibilities are.

If you can do it but its hard work

If you have as much help and support from others, skin as thick as a rhino, you have selective hearing and memory, if you have a tremendously vital constitution, and the patience of a saint then go for it. It's just something that you may be cut out for or maybe not.

I think, if your circumstances allow then you should. After all, they took care of us when we were incapable of looking after ourselves. If you have to put them into a Nursing Home, don't just pick the first one you come across, do some research and find one that they would be happy in. When my mum died of cancer, my sisters and I had looked after her and dad in their own home. My sisters and I continued to look after dad for a couple of years more but he had dementia so Sue took him to visit various nursing homes. When he found one he liked, he stayed for a trial to give my sister a break, when she returned for him, he said he had decided to stay. For his last couple of years he was very happy and he died peacefully in his sleep one night just as he had wanted to. When I need it, I hope my children care for me IF their circumstances permit it.

I am from a culture that caring elder parents is mandatory for their children. but there many people who refuse.

My Mom lived with us for 24 years. We paid all of her expenses, except for food, phone, and newspaper, as she had separate living quarters. When we had to sell our home, for financial reasons, and she needed someone to be around her all day, while my husband I and were still working full-time, she moved in with my sister, whose husband was home during the day. When Mom developed dementia, she needed more care, so my other sisters took turns staying with her at our other sister's house, because I was still working. When she passed, I was sorry that I wasn't able to help care for her at the end, but I was happy that we were able to give her a good life for 24 years.

Depends on the situation. If an elderly parent has dementia then yes leave it to the professionals. I would look after mine and I have said that but they'd need to live with me not the other way around. Which I think they were hoping for but I have a hubby now to be concerned about and we don't want live where they do. They think we live too far away from the hospitals and services they require now. Some feel this would be an obligation to pay back the parents for looking after them when they were children but not all children are obliging to do so. You can only do with what you can live with. Your conscience is yours and yours alone.

I'm not sure if give up your life is the right way to put it but I probably wouldn't mind. People could probably come see me from time to time if they wanted to so I don't see it as giving up everything.

I think it's better to have the patients in a very familiar environment with been in a familiar environment its better for them. they have family around them

If you’re able to otherwise leave to the professionals

I look after my husband with his meds, etc. not too hard.

Because of medical conditions I have a social worker spoke strongly against it.

Well I don't know about should. I did I had the experience of age care. So I knew you couldn't trust the age care system. I don't regret it. It just seemed to be the right thing to do.

I have no idea MY Mum And Dad died several years ago .Michael

I radically changed my life to be there to care for my parents, and while it was difficult at times, I don’t regret it for a second. Not that many people get to know and share time with their parents as adults, I was very fortunate to do that. I miss them very much.

my parents lived a long way from me but were cared for by my sister. I would go and give her some time away when she had things she wanted to do, that was a break for her.

It's the right thing to do

In some cultures this is not an option, but rather an obligation.

If you can afford it or you have siblings split the care. Set times just like a schedule of when you will care for them and trade chores with one another example taking them to the doctor of picking up their meds. If it is a caregiver split the cost or only have them come in a few days or a couple hours each day so that you have a break and the cost will not be as high you will also enjoy the time you spend with your parents more and your parents will not feel guilty or that they are being a burden. If you are young and your parents are still young or okay start a fund so that you will have money saved for the day your parents do need a caregiver or a special place to stay.

Absolutely not. I am in my late 50's, I have been ill off and on for a few years now, there is no way ever I would put this burden on to my children, they have families of their own to support, life is hard enough for them

I can't speak for others but I did care for my Dad for 13 years, and now I am fighting for my mother's life as my sibling put her state trustees without my permission. My own famliy (ex and my own children) are an appalling pack of heartless losers. I would rather look after my parents who I owe my life to. I know that I will be thrown under the bus when I am not able to care for myself. I hope the end is quick.

A balance is in order when taking care of a sick loved one. Commitment to your life is crucial, and giving up some of your free time to be with that family member may be rewarding. :)

I was my m others carer for six years, the difficulty was she refused to go into respite so I could travel I worked out a way to go on short trips, she passed & two years later I became carer for my husband, he will not go into respite either, i know it is what I might do, however it is not easy to look after someone who does not want to live, fortunately I do have interests & lately I am picking up viruses which is so unlike me as I am usually very healthy maybe it is because I do not get the rest I really need as I am now in my 80's I do not look my age , & I think my husband thinks I am younger than I am. Our children all work & have families have two close they do what they can, they do have responsible positions cannot expect more from them, when I take some time away leaving everything in place for him I am treated like a princess which helps to recharge the batteries. Have tried to assistance from My Age Care assistance in cleaning is all I would like this is useless, my friend who lost her husband got help for him a month before he died & home help after he passed away. My advice to others is to do what you really want to do while you can as it is rather lonely at the top.

I oversaw my mother's affairs from another state while she was in the nursing home. I came home for the summers and was able to visit her almost daily. Not physically able to care for someone with dementia, I felt the nursing home, which was very nice, proved to be the best solution for her. I do not regret that decision. Regardless of what you think or others think you SHOULD do, you have to assess your own personal circumstances, your parent's circumstances, finances, what type of care your parent(s) need, and who is best to provide that care. Parenting my parent was an experience as I have no children and was not prepared for an elderly child. But with God's guidance, it all worked out for the best.

If you can...

Yes. It's temporary. We don't have our parents forever. I'd like to move out of California, but my parents are here so I stay as they may need me to care for them in the near the future.

ty and hi cher

I live far away from y parents so it’s not a choice

It is a very hard choice to make either way. Caring for others no matter how big or small makes a difference in the lives of our loved ones.

I know how hard it is to take care of ones parents I had to my mother in law

My father in law Roy was cared for by my partner (his son) who was unwell. Roy's wish was NOT to be put in a rest home and passed a year later. Then I looked after my ailing partner who passed in January. Bottom line if you are capable do it, my sons' will have no hesitation looking after me when I get older.....they just don't know it yet! 🤣

I am a carer for my husband, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I was carer for my husband and now my daughter looks after me. We all live separately but on the same property - four generations living together and it is wonderful to have this relationship. My three year old great grandson knocked on my door this morning and said :"are you all right Gran" What a blessing it is to watch him grow up.

As an elderly person myself I have been fortunate enough to have been able to look after my mother & Father till there passing & now helping looking after one of our Grandchildren with sever health issues

Absolutely I would have done that if they needed me. Both my parents died suddenly.

Tend to agree with Paul B 522937 below/

I did that. My mom was diagnosed with dementia and she moved in with my husbanf and I over 2 years ago. It has gotten to the point where she has to go into a retirement home cause she is ALWAYS blaming me for everything and I can't handle it anymore. I gave up and life and has done so much for her that it's time to take my life back

Sorry my post should say I WOULD NOT JUDGE ANYONE FOR NOT DOING THIS..typing while i was crying,hard to type

I have and did. My situation was an obvious choice for me. My father died when I was very young. My mother was left with 3 very young children and a mortgage. My grandparents moved in. They cared for us,were always home for us and the neighbourhood children.My mother worked 3 jobs,was never home,had no personal or social life to speak of ,just us and work. We didn't have alot,but we had each other. As adults ,I was married My mother met someone.My grandfather HATED him. He was alone at home with my,grandma had passed 10 years earlier. I offered to take him as I knew mum wanted to live with her boyfriend and that would never had happened had he stayed. Her life was hard,she was exhausted and I figured she deserved a life pf her own. I had my grandfather for 5 years He died in my home,( never wanted to go into a home). He was blind deaf,had smoking related lung disorder ( not cancer) and dementia. But he was an army man,up at 4am til the day he died. It was hard,especially his dementia. I would judge anyone else for not doing this, I just felt it was what I needed to do,to in some way give back something. I couldn't even imagine what my life would have been without my grandparents. It was all I could do in return.

A big decision, government care is always in the news for underfunding, the private are in the news for mistreatment. John Howard’s regime used the figures years ago, people die quicker if put in an aged care, rather than be looked after in their own home. One way to lower pension payments, for the government, and free up housing.

I am afraid because I have a bad leg injury and my dad getting older by the minute I'm having problems with my brothers life doesn't look good

Put yourself in those shoes. Would you want someone to help you? It has to work between the individuals involved and that they get along. Otherwise it will not work. Both parties have to want it.

I had a Stroke when I was 36, my Daughters were 7 and 12, my husband had left us like 2 years before. I was in rehap for severel months. I came home and from day 1 my older Daughter took on a huge role. I am not completely useless, 26 years later, I live in the same Daughters home, with her and her family, she has no regrets.

I have been spending a lot of time looking after my brother for 18 months or so. His health has deteriorated and is now in an aged care facility. My own health has also suffered, I have had Covid twice, shingles and RSV. Although I no longer have to spend day and nights caring for him, he calls me anything up to 13 times a day and night. It’s very tiring and stressful, it’s not something I want to put my own kids through.

It is a decision that the families make

Caring is sharing. Brothers n sisters should share the workload. If you are the only child, it’s tough. 🙏🙏Edited 13-Nov-24 08:08am

It always full on the daughters to do but I think it’s not their job to be lumbered with. We can only do so much and it’s better left to people who are trained

Was never a consideration. However I have an elderly cousin who sacrificed everything including a fiance to look after her Mother for 16 years and is now struggling herself with no one to help her which is very sad.

all of the above is true but the rewards have far outweighed any challenges I have faced at this stage of my life, i look after my autistic grandchildren, as well as my wife, and the reward is not monetized the reward is seeing them smile, learn and grow, with my wife it's keeping her personal issues personal, to have influence in normalizing the lives of the people you care for was never a tough decision for me, but it's the best decision I have ever made Edited 13-Nov-24 07:39am

Only if I need or want

Only if you want to

I would

Depends on what needs to be done

Deciding to become a caregiver for a family member is complex, and you're right—it requires careful thought about the potential impact on physical and emotional well-being, financial stability, and personal goals. If I were in that position, I'd likely consider these factors: Assess the Family Member’s Needs: Understanding the level of care required is crucial. This might involve consulting with healthcare providers to clarify what kinds of support the person will need—medical, mobility, or assistance with daily activities. Gauge Personal Capacity and Limits: Self-care is essential for caregivers, who are often at risk of burnout. I'd reflect on my physical, emotional, and financial limits. Could I maintain my own health, relationships, and professional life? Consider Shared Responsibilities: Ideally, I'd seek ways to involve other family members or even friends who can help. If that’s not possible, I’d look into local support groups or respite care to lighten the load. Evaluate Financial Impact and Resources: Caregiving can come with costs, so I’d consider the financial impact and whether there are resources (like long-term care insurance or family contributions) that could help cover them. Seek Balance with Career and Life Goals: Especially for those who still have career goals or other aspirations, balancing these with caregiving can be difficult. Setting boundaries where possible, such as scheduling "time off" for self-care, could be helpful. Ultimately, it’s a personal decision, often full of sacrifices but also full of meaningful moments. Seeking support, especially from other caregivers or professional resources, would be vital.

If you can maybe if you can't you cant. But remember the level of care is commensurate to what you pay ... don't kid yourself they are profit making enterprises one out one in. The decision is based on personal circumstances and you can't always do what you want.

I was primary carer for my grandmother (who raised me) when she was in the last few months of her life as none of her children (the ones who were capable) were willing to do so themselves. My Mum is now in palliative care and no, i am not her carer. We were never really close, she never wanted me around her. My life has changed now as to how it was with Nan. I had the time to care for Nan, I am not able to care for my mum now due to a change in my family's circumstances. I still want her to be comfortable and do visit when i am able. Sometimes we have to trust our gut instinct and do what is right for ourselves.

What is right for you. Take as much advice as is available.

Already did that for my dad with kidney cancer and then my mom with dementia. It's rough going but I thank God for Hospice workers.

I was my mothers caregiver and I would do it all again the rest of the family said it was to much for me and at the age of 96 they said she had to go into a nursing home she was in there for just under 2 years when she passed away she hated being there and talked herself into to dieing she was 98 and a half I was the one that did all the work at home for her the rest of the family lived in other states and hardy came to see her I was giving back what she had given us growing up and would it all again

yes, whatever happens, is your responsibility to look after them

If they were still alive, probably. I don't have a life anyway. Plus they did the best they could looking after me.Edited 13-Nov-24 06:04am

My mother is 95 years old and quite good for her age. As long as I am able to I prefer my mother home than in a Nursing home. My aunt was in one and they did everything for her that she slept most of the day. She has since passed away due to dementia.

I am elderly & I do not expect my children to care for me but they do go out of their way to help me..

If you have the will,time and closeness yes why not. The bloody Government should pay you a fulltime wage though the way the system if set at the moment family care givers are really cheap labor, if they had to pay even half the required time at minimum wage it would cost them more, but we all know bloody Governments !

You don't have to give up your life to take care of elderly parents. You can get a caregiver and get relief from taking care of them. If you can't afford that then take care of them. I am assuming they were good parents. If so, help them. You will be old some time.

Yes I would and do help take are of my parents,I still live my life but I make sure I involved them

I was lucky I wasn't working and was able to care for my mom. I also had the help of my daughter I couldn't have done it without her. It's a hard job and not something everyone is able to do. But if your going to put your parents in a home please don't forget about them

IF EVER HAPPENS I WOULD BE THERE FOR MY PARENTS 100% BUT BLESSED AT THIS POINT NO NEED,THANK GOODNESS

I guess if what kind of condition they are in. If they need round the clock care and help then I think everybody has to have a family meeting and see what the best course of action would be.

I would assist in taking care of my parents for sure. I am unable to care completely for them by myself.

Honour your father and mother, so that your days will be longer on this earth! We all have the ultimate role to take care of esp. those who made us exist and need some help; to include them as much and often as possible, to learn from them, make them comfortable and well-respected. It's moral, decent and speaks well of your soul. We are blessed when we just do as our Creator instructed us to do! Yet, if you feel far more beholden to societal norms, chasing mo' money as the calculous for everything and freedoms to be however we feel best- go ahead too; there are also rewards for those behaviours too. Perhaps it's how we order our values is the issue, but we will all be an elderly person someday unless we go prematurely. Be very strong and morally well too!🙏

My Dad and stepmom went into an assisted living. apt before they passed...Dad has Parkinsons and stepmom had dementia...I spent as much time with them as possible...helping the aides with meds, taking them to the entertainment, filling out their menus, taking them to dr appts, I was always glad to help.Edited 13-Nov-24 02:34am

I DID NOT AND DO NOT EXPECT MY KIDS TO LOOK AFTER ME 😀

Look after a parent. Give them the best care you can

I look after Mum, and will continue for as long as it takes. I haven't given up on my life.

My parents were into physical abuse, and I permanently lost my vision in my left eye in a physical altercation with one of my parents - when I was ten years old. I survived the ongoing physical abuse and became a runaway after I finished the eighth grade. My parents got away with physically abusing me because my parents had money and an education - and the myth in society is only dumb and poor parents physically abuse their kids. I AM NOT THE FORGAVE OR FORGET TYPE. I move on and I tried NOT to look back too often. There are not ANY circumstances where I will be looking out for my parents' welfare - regardless of my parents' age, financial status, physical health, mental health, etc. Other words, my answer to your question is NO!Edited 13-Nov-24 04:26am

It is a difficult Q simply bcoz each family has a different outlook. Some parents are just darn mean 2 their own children. While some children dont care about their loving parents. But all should love, its not a duty but love. So caring 4 parents depends on love vs duty 2 me. Thank you 4 your Q.