Should you help your adult children financially?

17-Mar-25 12:16pm
Francey 1591777
Definitely.
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16-Mar-25 17:58pm
Marion 1616632
My daughter went to university as an adult and studied full time, worked part time and I provided some fortnightly assistance for her living expenses. I figured that if she had gone to university straight out from high school that I would have been supporting her and it would have cost me a lot more. Therefore I am happy to pay something to assist her to continue with her studies. She is graduating in April and I couldn't be prouder and my financial assistance stops at end of March. She is already now working two part time jobs (one job relates to her degree) and doing her honours. My help has kept her at her studies when financial pressure otherwise would have forced her to give it up.
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16-Mar-25 08:47am
Robyn C 1009255
we have given all our adult children the same amount a loans, they pay a very small amount of interest & put it in a special account & pay for things we might need, it works very well for us all & they will work out that they will all get the same after we pass away , we are fortunate they are all very loyal & get along well together.
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16-Mar-25 00:02am
Michael 1324355
Hello Natalia I have no Adult Children .But I might be competing at Stawell in Central Victoria against some older blokes over 400 metres . You can watch me win the race and collect a big Check .Michael
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15-Mar-25 23:51pm
Mary M 329762
Just a bits. I want give money when start work but my mum and sister said no. As my sister didn't want help out and pay for nothing. I didn't give money but I pay for the food on the tablet. I question if I gave if I money to dad not listening to my mum and sister. That why start give money for Christmas, Easter, birthday/ etc to dad. End of the day all the money I ask dad give me in needed I always give back to dad. Edited 15-Mar-25 23:55pm
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15-Mar-25 23:35pm
Patricia B 1012160
Yes they are still your kids
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15-Mar-25 23:22pm
john g 997029
Yes, if needed. They will always be our sons and daughters.
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15-Mar-25 22:06pm
SALLY 1524378
My parents paid EVERYTHING for my College education (room & board, tuition, and books) till I got married. Then my husband and I took over paying--and it took me 25 years of part-time school (full-time work) to get my A.A. English degree.
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15-Mar-25 21:55pm
Kara 1634369
Yes parents should help for short term periods as a bridge to them being able to be financially successful and responsible. It takes time, skill and some luck to forge financial stability in this economy. I am an elder millennial struggling to pay a mortgage and strata after becoming unwell, my parents are doing the right thing to help me at this difficult time so I can pay my own way as soon as possible.
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15-Mar-25 21:36pm
Betty 1365457
Yes, if they need help occasionally but not all the time.
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15-Mar-25 21:28pm
APB
I stood up on my own two feet and never asked my parents for anything...and my two sons are the same...you create what sort of life you have with your children..I know people with nightmare lives...its their choice
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15-Mar-25 21:15pm
lyn r 364552
No
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15-Mar-25 20:59pm
Janet 1621979
I think it depends on the circumstances. I helped both my two to get a house in different ways - but I told them both my finances are very limited - the house IS YOUR PROBLEM. I can't help you any more. I made it very clear - THAT WAS IT. I think the biggest issue is kids wanting you to rescue them when things go wrong.
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15-Mar-25 20:50pm
debra j 18701
I have to say no, because I had helped my mom before with the promise of repaying but she never did
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15-Mar-25 20:41pm
Glen D 1014924
If they need assistance yes
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15-Mar-25 20:23pm
Jania S
DEPENDS, hopefully by the time children grow up they are adults
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15-Mar-25 20:18pm
PETER M 134659
DEPENDS
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15-Mar-25 19:31pm
Peter C 985325
I have worked hard all my life to be able to have a comfortable retirement. My wife and I both lost our parents early and never had any help or inheritance. But I can see how some help early on in my life could have made a big difference to us. So will we help our kids, absolutely, and we have done so several times. They do not see it as an entitlement, and it has always been offered but not asked for.
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15-Mar-25 19:30pm
Roslyn A
My daughter recently said she can't afford a house but it doesn't matter because when I die she will get one anyway.
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15-Mar-25 19:27pm
Judy T 470524
I think you should help them if you are able to.
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15-Mar-25 19:02pm
Beverly I
My children have never asked me to help them financially, probably because I can't, but I will help in other ways, I have told them that if they are finding things to hard, they can come back home. But they seem to be doing great.
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- 15-Mar-25 20:02pm
  Liane H
  Yes that's exactly my philosophy Beverly . l'm sure like me if you had it to give you would as much as possible too ;)
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15-Mar-25 19:01pm
Lisa K 342136
Yes. Have helped both my kids out financially and they have helped us . If you don’t look on for family who will?
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15-Mar-25 18:52pm
Gaza
Not unless it's an emergency, they should learn to stand on their own two feet.
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15-Mar-25 18:50pm
Elli-mae 1567706
Sometimes, only if they agree to put in the work you put out!
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15-Mar-25 18:27pm
Lee b 979050
Yes without a doubt
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15-Mar-25 18:10pm
Timtam
I agree that setting kids up for fiscal responsibility is important. However, life has no guarantees & issues can arise at any age. I would never see my kids left in an awful situation if they found themselves in need. Job loss, relationship breakdowns, health issues/ accidents resulting in health complications or disability can happen at any age and can have devastating financial implications. If I have the resources I would not withhold them from the most important people in my life. If I won't help my closest family members, when they are in need, it's a pretty sad state of affairs. Edited 15-Mar-25 18:11pm
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15-Mar-25 18:09pm
glory 1277945
I love all my boys and if I can help them in any way I do.
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15-Mar-25 17:37pm
Sarah G 76834
I would help them out if they needed it, but my adult children are responsible and mainly pay their way. I helped my son come out from England to visit me and helped my daughter pay for her wedding.
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15-Mar-25 17:32pm
Linda C
Not many parents are in the financial position that they can help much but if they can and the adult children deserve it then yes. Handouts to no hopers definitely no.
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15-Mar-25 17:23pm
Paula J 395266
It depends. I wouldn't have a problem providing a guarantee for a loan if the child concerned had been a good saver and not out having a good time, but if they have been eating out and having expensive holidays it would have to be a NO.
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15-Mar-25 17:07pm
Rebecca 1641845
Absolutely
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15-Mar-25 16:52pm
Maria B 89860
Should you or can. If you have the money what else would you do with it? If you can't then it's pretty sad all round.
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15-Mar-25 16:52pm
diana 1578758
Yes
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15-Mar-25 16:45pm
Ollie 1647525
No
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15-Mar-25 16:03pm
Ellen P 667007
It just depends on the situation and the relationship you have with your adult child. I lent a lot of money to my daughter and she promised to pay it back - I never saw a dime of it even after she married a rich man. :-(
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- View all 6 replies
- 15-Mar-25 17:30pm
  Paula J 395266
  That's very sad Ellen. I was once aware of a lady who provided her home as a guarantee for her son to buy a motor bike. He never paid a cent off the loan then vanished leaving her to struggle to repay the loan from her old age pension. The Bank concerned was left with a huge moral dilemma. Toss her from her home and sell it to recoup what was owed, and it was growing due to lack of repayments, or wait until she passed away and fight over it with the trustee of her will. Either way I think the worry for her would have been enormous. I wondered how any child could treat his mother that way until I saw how my brother treated our mother not even attending her funeral. Whatever happened to natural love and compassion? You can live with a clear conscience while your daughter can't say the same thing.
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- 15-Mar-25 17:32pm
  Linda C
  How sad and how often do you hear of children ripping off family and think it is OK. Entitled brats.
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- 16-Mar-25 15:29pm
  Ellen P 667007Paula J 395266
  Thank you for your kind words, and especially your last sentence. She lives in another state - never calls or texts or emails. She will respond to my texts with a few words or if I'm lucky, one sentence. Even on my birthday, Mother's Day & Christmas, she never calls and I have to text her first even on these occasions. I have two daughters raised exactly the same way. My oldest daughter and I are very close, but my oldest daughter rarely hears from her either. However, she does tell her dad (we're divorced) just about everything. I haven't seen her in over 3 years.
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- 16-Mar-25 17:23pm
  Paula J 395266Ellen P 667007
  So sorry for you Ellen, I'm sure it's very difficult for you. I had to listen to my mother constantly asking what she had done to upset my brother, but eventually she stopped asking about him and she and I were able to get closer. He had been her favourite and she had always given him whatever he wanted and bent over backwards for him so she was terribly hurt. You can't make people care about you, they either do or they don't. Try not to let it bother you, I know it will, but enjoy the daughter you are close to. Enjoy your time together.
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- 17-Mar-25 14:38pm
  Ellen P 667007Paula J 395266
  Thank you again, Paula. I live in the U.S. It seems most everyone here is from Australia. My youngest daughter (the one who ignores me) was an exchange student in Queensland for a year, Before that we had an exchange student from Queensland - she was only 15 and got very homesick and went back home after a few months. :-(
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- 17-Mar-25 20:26pm
  Paula J 395266Ellen P 667007
  Oh dear, that's grim. My family and I were very fortunate to have been posted to Nashua NH in the late '70's, and we loved it. It's very different to Australia and unless it's changed since then "service" was very important and the extended shopping hours were fabulous. It was a shock to get home and find everything closed at 5.30 and not 10. When it was time to come home I left drag marks all the way to LA. While Australia is my home, and there is no other blue sky like ours, I could have lived there for awhile longer. Everything was much cheaper, especially in NH where it's "live free or die" but life moves much faster than here. I was like a kid in a lolly shop when I looked around the kitchen in the house we rented, it had a dishwasher, garbage disposal, self cleaning oven and a huge vented dryer. I now have all of that except for the vented dryer which is a condenser dryer. They were happy days, very cold but happy. There are some Americans on here as well as Kiwi's.
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15-Mar-25 15:48pm
Paul W 383502
Only if they are grown up, and they can repay you later.
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15-Mar-25 15:43pm
Sonya F 68771
yes to a certain point only if they are trying to save themselves
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15-Mar-25 15:31pm
Pat C 618241
I was born at the end of the Great Depression. Dad was the only one working so very little money to allocate through all of my education with three others born after Dad returned from the War. I divorced my husband after he ran after too many ladies, always looking for a rich one. I have given my daughter as much as I could towards her further education - now as a part pensioner I can't spread much around to help.
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15-Mar-25 15:12pm
MoB
If they have a work ethic and need a hand up, not a hand out, then yes.
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15-Mar-25 15:06pm
Jax
Yes. If they need something I will buy it because I can. Cant take it with me.
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15-Mar-25 15:01pm
Liane H
If I could hand it out I would but only to a certain extent particularly as I have a male child . As it turns out he's not doing too badly staying afloat ..just ..and has never asked me for anything . He does know whatever is mine is his if he needed it and we work it out week by week. .
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15-Mar-25 14:48pm
Greg B 520364
When my older sister with 2 young girls and hubby was working on the railways on not much money. I would invite my self to dinner. I would bring the snags and vegetables and they would cook.
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15-Mar-25 14:41pm
Greg B 520364
YES, for the big things in life. Home, start their own business or to buy into one. Any thing else should be classed as a loan, with paper work.
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15-Mar-25 14:27pm
Lilian v
If you can and not disadvantage yourself, it could be a loan or not. If you are well off and they are deserving why make them wait until you are gone!
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15-Mar-25 14:09pm
Jan H 753322
Older generations never spoke of their finances or adult things when I was young. One of our daughters moved back home so that she could save for a house, that was our way of helping her and we would have done the same for our other girls! After all we can't have favourites
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15-Mar-25 14:09pm
Shawn B 1061185
Hey, if you don't who will? Besides, you can't take it with you ;-).
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15-Mar-25 13:54pm
Claude H
Yes if you can. My parents gave me a loan to buy my first house but it should not be a gift but a loan otherwise it is not appreciated and they think it is a right. They need to realise that the parents went without to bring them up and in my case with 6 children it's hard to treat them all to equal help
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15-Mar-25 13:36pm
stephen m 596524
Agreed. As a proper loan.
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15-Mar-25 13:11pm
Luke W 72035
Just here to read the nasty comments about young people from the usual type....
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- View all 6 replies
- 15-Mar-25 17:34pm
  Linda C
  You must be disappointed.
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- 16-Mar-25 11:21am
  Luke W 72035Linda C
  I read a couple then bailed lol. It's pathetic.
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- 16-Mar-25 15:42pm
  Linda CLuke W 72035
  Life is not nice and there are some sad stories and some people are angry but I found most of the comments have been fine. Maybe it is your perspective that is skewed. Don't look for the bad so much.
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- 17-Mar-25 08:17am
  Luke W 72035Linda C
  Why did my comment offend you?
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- 17-Mar-25 15:03pm
  Linda CLuke W 72035
  Did not offend but I did or do find you judgmental of people who post here. Yes we do have some naysayers but most are respectful
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- 18-Mar-25 08:36am
  Luke W 72035Linda C
  Nonsense. I had a laugh at the judgemental comments and you came to stick up for those people and call ME judgemental. Don't insult my intelligence.
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15-Mar-25 13:07pm
Wendy Q
I've never had the money to do it any other way.
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15-Mar-25 13:03pm
Vijaya L
We should guide them on budgeting and savings, how to spend wisely, invest , etc. I learned this from my single income earner parent, learning to save and budget, building good financial habits. I learned to be responsible with finances before I was an adult . I never had to go back to borrowing money, Taking responsibility with car loans, budgeting well enough to pay off debts, etc
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15-Mar-25 12:56pm
Priscilla R 316016
My adult children no longer need financial help so this question does not arise in my household.
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15-Mar-25 12:56pm
doug p 631197
Never had kids so thankfully not a problem I have. But if I had the money from all of my hard work that I did so I could have a comfortable life, I don't see why they can't do the same. The youth of today just don't want to work to achieve goals, they just want everything handed to them or go into so much debt that they turn around and say they are hard done by and that their debts should be erased. Glad I won't be around in 20 years, the world is going to hell due to the greedy and the lazy.
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15-Mar-25 12:56pm
Lorne M
I remember in the early 50's, my grandmother would have us to Sunday dinner a couple of times a month, which helped immensely because there'd be "leftovers" she'd wrap for my mom...her daughter...to take home...and frequently either my Mom or Dad would find $5.00 tucked into a coat pocket that wouldn't be found until later on arrival home. $5.00 may not seem a lot by today's standards, but when you're raising three kids on a factory worker's $40/week take-home...it bought the gas for his week carpooling and enough bologna for two daily lunchpail sandwiches for the week. So...sure...if you see the need...do what you can ...and preserve their dignity as my maternal grandmother did. As kids, we never heard about money worries though labour strikes came every couple of years and when that happened, they did without...without us ever knowing just how tight things were...Edited 16-Mar-25 07:43am
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15-Mar-25 12:54pm
whatdoyouwantfromthestore
I used to think basically the same way. A very good friend convinced me sometimes our children need help and she was so right, and when I started helping them it felt so damn good. I will always love her for that and other things. There really are angels among us.
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15-Mar-25 12:43pm
Robert L NZ
YES AS LONG AS IT DOSE NOT STOP YOU FROM DOING ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO.. INHERTIANCE IN ADVANCE.
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15-Mar-25 12:31pm
Paul J 94868
If i can i will...
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15-Mar-25 12:21pm
Denise C (Qld)
I would finances permitting but as a loan only, why not.
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15-Mar-25 12:03pm
Amber 22
if you have time and money why not
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15-Mar-25 11:57am
Razz
If they genuinely needed help then yes, I would help them, they may be adult kids but they are my adults.
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15-Mar-25 11:52am
Michael B 384408
If you can afford it but don't keep lending because they expect you to and then don't show any intent of repaying even the smallest loan.
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15-Mar-25 11:49am
Grommie
two ways to do it.. Lend them the money or give it to them. If it's clear they can't pay back in a reasonable time, look on it as part of their inheritance and you get to watch them use it. If it's just a cash flow thing, lend them the money but put it on a business footing. Paperwork, in other words. I've done both for different children and for good reasons in both cases.
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15-Mar-25 11:48am
Ann J 1179342
Depends on the circumstances the first time I did help my son but the next time that he asked he had to pay the price!
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15-Mar-25 11:45am
Glenys H 310155
depends on the circumstances, would help them out on the understanding that I am not the bank of mum and that I need to be repaid. Could ask if they need assistance to work out a budget that helps then save and avoid financial stress.
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15-Mar-25 11:33am
Missy Wyld
'Should'? hmmm only if you can, and it does not put you into money problems. Sometimes kids never let go, and they always think they have the bank of mum n dad to fall onto. This teaches them nothing about being responsible for their own finances. Be clear a 'loan' is just that, they will be paying it back.
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15-Mar-25 11:24am
Helen E 469767
yes if I can but must be a considered reason. some times things get too much with medical and schooling costs,
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15-Mar-25 11:21am
The dog house
No, they need to stand on their own two feet, just as the parents did.
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15-Mar-25 11:17am
Val 1394045
Yes if I have it the money I would help.
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15-Mar-25 11:00am
Leanne 1607753
I think if in dire need them I think so but not to the point where they take advantage of you I know when to draw the line
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15-Mar-25 10:56am
Anne S 123999
Brilliantly stated Natalia. I alawys say if you can but if not that's OK to. Life's a journey of all things but I have found No thae hardest word to say and has the biggest impact.
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15-Mar-25 10:52am
Christine M 323842
I will always help them out in whatever capacity I can. That is my job as a parent.
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15-Mar-25 10:50am
Jamie 1501965
I think it's okay to assist but not completely support them.
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15-Mar-25 10:46am
Allen B 175494
we help when we can.
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15-Mar-25 10:45am
Paul B 522937
its not a good idea as if you give to one you have to give to all of them
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15-Mar-25 10:34am
otten m
My daughter makes way more money than I ever made. I made sure she had a good education and good values. She now owns her owns place and is financially independent running her own company.
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15-Mar-25 10:32am
Danielle 1635387
Yes I think u should if they need it
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15-Mar-25 10:20am
The ghost
In some cultures such as Asian, the young care and look after their elders, in western societies, the young think they are entitled to anything and everything, they have more rights and handouts than we have ever had, and still wine and want political correctness. I hate politicians, have never met or seen one worth the $5 they get for my vote, ( apart from Bob Hawke and Paul Keating) . I will never be politically correct, and from what I have seen and heard, don’t want to be.
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15-Mar-25 10:19am
Val B 69099
I have in the past but am no longer able to
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15-Mar-25 10:14am
The ghost
My wife andI have had to work for everything we have, we would help them as long as they try to help themselves, or we will spend the lot and leave nothing, just like we had passed on to us.
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15-Mar-25 09:58am
Joy L 68767
depends, we helped ours by lending them a little bit for their house deposit. paid for weddings and uni.
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15-Mar-25 09:55am
Igor A
It depends.
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15-Mar-25 09:43am
Dsmiles2U
it takes two to tangle if one is always initiating it ....forget helping
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15-Mar-25 09:37am
IdentifyAs
No. Screw 'em.
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15-Mar-25 09:37am
Galaxy
Of curse , if they deserve it I'll do it.
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15-Mar-25 09:28am
Kimberly 1603434
I think under certain circustances, yes, it just so happens that my daughter and her family are moving into another home and she texted me today and said she needed $700 where she was short and shes offering to pay me back weekly until its paid off. I think that's being responsible and since it is for their home I have no problems with this.
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15-Mar-25 09:27am
Laura W 363255
I am not in a position to help my adult sons out & they both have good jobs & working wives. They will inherit my house when I die.
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15-Mar-25 09:23am
boy blunder
When you have kids, it's a life choice; it was for me, anyway. I do whatever I can, whenever I can. Sometimes, it's accompanied by a lecture because they should know better; life is a lot harder than it was when I was a kid. When I cook, I cook for ten even though we are 6 in this house. When my two boys visit, they get a bag of frozen food, accompanied with a jar of money. That will never stop; they both prepay their bills so they never really get into trouble there. they are your kids you should always give them your best
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15-Mar-25 09:16am
pam rae
TY AS ALWAYS JANN R
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15-Mar-25 09:15am
Sandra C 12043
Have always helped my kids, they have never asked & wouldn't. One has passed on. I sometimes slip a little money to each of the remaining two, but they get everything when I die. They have never asked for money. If they've saved up for a holiday I always slip a little money, they each get exactly the same, it just gives them a bit more to enjoy the holiday. They both work long hours, & give lots of extra time to training children at their sports & one looks after Rescue Dogs as well.
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15-Mar-25 09:03am
Debra Jay 1237276
It’s a no from me. One child has saved exceptionally well and doesn't need help. Next child had the expensive wedding (funded by parents), many overseas trips before buying a house, many expensive clothes and restaurant outings, no I’m not helping out. Third child just spends, spends, spends and has debt. My superannuation (which I live on as an income stream) is mine, I don’t intend to give any of it away and risk living on Govt Pension.
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15-Mar-25 08:57am
Lori 1458056
If you can yes you should help out
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15-Mar-25 08:54am
Ian 1561638
If you can and want to, if they deserve it
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15-Mar-25 08:52am
dale k 247571
It all really depends on the situation, Yours and Theirs, Can you afford too without making life harder for yourself finaniclly? Did they get into debt by just spend spend? or was there a reason for needing help? example: was working, buying and paying all their own bills then a medical event happens and they are put off work for an extended time, like 2-4 months, and they still have the job to go back to when medically fit. and it will not affect your own finances then why not? its short term and not their fault if either health or something similar hits them. of course if you are not able to you cant, but you may be able to help with some other way, little things example: couple extra items in the shopping basket rather than cash. In the end it is a personal decision between you and your child and all the situations at the time.
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15-Mar-25 08:46am
Bugalugs
Maybe to top up the deposit they need to be able to buy a house to live in, not to rent out, but only if it is a matter of a couple of thousand. People seem to think that their parent's Superannuation Accounts are intended to be some sort of nestegg for them to inherit. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. Superannuation is supposed to be there so that when people retire they have something to live on rather than getting the Old Age Pension. If they end their lives and those superannuation accounts are empty then they have used them as they were, and still are, intended to be used. Part of the problem is that today people are not prepared, as their parents were, to start out small and over time get larger in order to accomodate growing families. They want it all NOW, the 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, 4 car garage, pool etc.. The Developers are playing into their greedy, selfish hands by building housed which cover the entire block resulting an the total disappearance of The Green Canopy.Edited 15-Mar-25 08:47am
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15-Mar-25 08:45am
Sheree T
Only if there is some outstanding circumstances and they need assistance I would then help on the condition it was paid back.
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15-Mar-25 08:41am
Melissa 1411101
My son, who is 25, has never asked for one cent. He has saved so much money I can't believe it. I'm so very proud of him. If he had ever asked for or needed money I would definately help him depending on what it was for.
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15-Mar-25 08:38am
Janet H 854956
If we did that how would they learn anything? So, it’s a definite NO from me. (Sorry kids!) 🙂
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15-Mar-25 08:37am
Jennifer 1540583
To a certain extent if able to for big purchases which can make a difference to their lives. Then after that they are responsible otherwise it never ends and they never learn. I have seen this personally with my niece and nephew.
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15-Mar-25 08:31am
Victoria 1437259
My brother (younger) help me set up a budget when I moved out. I stuck to it but, unfortunately I had a car accident and was a $2,000 short in savings to pay for it, so my Nan (dads mum) said to my Dad I’m gonna help out instead of taking out a personal loan which I was happy to do. She lent me the money and according to the budget I could only give her $10 a week back. I ended up giving her $50 a week but I went without things. She reminded me that if I had taken out that loan I would be paying 2%+ interest on top of that. But both her and my family were happy that I was planning on fixing my self and not asking for a hand out, like most kids these days expect parents to pay for everything. My x partner always got hand out from his parents if something went wrong and he couldn’t afford it. That upset me to no end.
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15-Mar-25 08:30am
Lachelle B
Yes I help them. The deal is once I'm broke I'm moving in, which is why I'm always paid back. 🤣
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